Thursday, July 24, 2014  

[They're all here!]

^^^ by Locksley @ 10:26 PM. 0 comments.
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Tuesday, July 22, 2014  

[The meaning of life...]

I think I can safely speak for almost everyone in my generation when I say this: Our parents lied to us.

Let me explain.

Our parents grew up in very different times. It was a time when simply being able to speak English put you well ahead of the curve. A time when having a University degree was a guarantee (that’s right, guarantee) of success.

Most of our parents are not that lucky. They don’t speak English, and forget about having University degrees. They did manual or repetitive work. No matter what they did, however hard they worked, they stayed more or less where they were in life (sidebar: I guess some things never change).

Like all parents, they naturally want their kids to do better than they did. So what did they do? They pushed us to do well in school, drummed into our heads the importance of getting a degree, getting a good, high-paying job. Things they never had. Good things are supposed to follow once you had a degree. Everything, from your professional to your personal life, was supposed to fall into place just because of that piece of paper. Because this was how things worked for their generation.

But we now know that things don’t work this way. The world has changed. Society has evolved. Having a degree now is definitely not a guarantee of success. In fact, in some ways, it can even be a hindrance. Most degree-holders (including myself) are reluctant to take risks. Why trade a stable, decent salary for something risky? On the other hand, if you don’t have a degree, you have no choice. You have to take a leap of faith sometimes, you need to take risks. While the going may be tough at times, many of these people I know are doing better than I am.

For the longest time, the picture painted in my head by my parents (my mother, mostly) distorted the reality and my expectations of how life is going to and has turned out. While I now realise the picture painted in my head by my parents is wrong, it still takes some effort on my part to push out the wrong assumptions. And I still think a lot of my dissatisfaction with life is due to the flawed expectations I had due to what my parents told me. What they promised. Promises that can never be fulfilled the way they had me believe.

I’ve been thinking a lot about life. This morning, I came to realise that I’m not happy with my life and how it’s turned out so far. Both in my professional and personal life. The good news is I’m only in my early-30s so there’s time for me to do something about it. However, I don’t know what I should do.

And that, perhaps, is the biggest disappointment of it all.

^^^ by Locksley @ 10:43 AM. 0 comments.
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Monday, July 14, 2014  

[How do you want to go?]

On my way to work this morning, there was an old man on the bus. The bus was packed, and no one offered him a seat. Either that, or someone did and he declined.

After a while, it became very evident that there was a urine stench coming from him. He was drooling slightly, and was blowing spit bubbles at his mouth.

Clearly, he’s not in the pink of health.

My maternal grandfather passed away when I was about five years old. He had his share of health issues, one of which required him to carry a urine bag with him. So yes, he smells like urine too. I was young, but I still remembered it vividly. He eventually became senile in his later years before he passed away.

My maternal grandmother was also in ill health for a long time before she passed on. My paternal grandfather passed away after a short bout of illness, while my paternal grandmother passed away in her sleep, and was in seemingly good health prior to that.

Seeing that old man on the bus today got me thinking. Death is a part of life. Something we all have to face one day. When our time comes, how do we want to go? Without warning? So there’s no suffering, no burden on anyone. But you may not get the chance to get closure, to say what you want to say. On the other hand, if it was a drawn-out affair, we would have enough time to say what we want to say. To have closure, but also (probably) place some burden on our loved ones.

When your time comes, how do you want to go?

^^^ by Locksley @ 2:32 PM. 1 comments.
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Sunday, July 13, 2014  

[Creepy guy...]

...wants to watch too.

^^^ by Locksley @ 6:14 PM. 0 comments.
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[Do you feel like having some now?]

Cause I sure do.

^^^ by Locksley @ 6:13 PM. 0 comments.
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Vehicles turning right honked at him, but he didn't care.

^^^ by Locksley @ 6:10 PM. 0 comments.
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[I wish I could have one of these every day...]

Muddy Mud Pie from Coffee Club!

^^^ by Locksley @ 6:09 PM. 0 comments.
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[Anker Astro Slim3!]

I've been using my phone for a year, and the battery has deteriorated a bit. Decided to invest in a portable battery pack that's good enough for about one charge or so. This will help to power my Butterfly S, Nexus 7, and my Bluetooth stereo headset on long days.

^^^ by Locksley @ 6:04 PM. 0 comments.
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^^^ by Locksley @ 5:58 PM. 0 comments.
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Monday, June 30, 2014  

[The meaning of life...]

I’ve been having these thoughts for the longest time. They keep coming to me and I keep pushing them out of my mind. Mainly because I don’t think I have the answers to the questions I’m asking myself.

We drag our weary selves to work every day, packed like sardines on public transport. We spend eight to nine hours at the office, working on things that sometimes don’t even matter. At the end of the day, we make our way home, again packed like sardines on public transport. And the next day, we get to do it all over again.

The only thing getting us through the week is the prospect of the coming weekend. When it’s finally here, we realise we have so much to do. All the things we wanted to do but had no time to do on weekdays fill our time on weekends. We would be lucky if we could get some rest and go back to work on Monday recharged.

Is this the meaning of life? Shouldn’t life be more than this?

I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time. I’m beginning to realise that maybe a regular, nine to five, desk-bound job is not for me. I would love to be able to work from home, but most of these jobs are not too stable, and will probably not be able to pay me the amount I am earning at my current job.

I’ve thought about doing something on the side, something that would provide me a secondary source of income. And if it proves viable, I would quit my regular job and focus on it full-time. One of the options I’ve considered was working with a drop-shipper. I won’t go into the details, but this proved difficult when I started looking into the details. There will be quality-control and inventory issues. The biggest issue, I gather, is what if people purchase from me items that are out-of-stock on my drop-shipper’s side.

I’ve also considered being a writer. I have a few ideas about the possible storylines and fictional world that I could create. These days, it’s not too hard to write something and publish it yourself. However, I’m not sure if I am imaginative enough to take it all the way.

This question just comes back, again and again. It is something I cannot answer. I don’t know if I would ever be able to. I don’t find a lot of meaning in working for someone else. Working on things that, sometimes, don’t even matter. Am I destined to live my life like this till I’m old and grey?

Hopefully, I will find the answer to this question soon.

^^^ by Locksley @ 10:16 AM. 0 comments.
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