Random thoughts of a Disturbed Mind: The right answers...

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

[The right answers...]

Since young, we have been taught that there is a "right answer" in almost everything we do. A-B-C is correct, B-A-C is not. 1-2-3, not 3-1-4. When we were in primary school, the "right answer" was getting into EM1. After primary school, the "right answer" was to get into the Express stream in secondary school. After that, JC. After that University. Get a good job, find someone, settle down, have kids, and live happily ever after.

While it may be true while studying - there really is a "right answer" to most things then - it is not so much true once you leave school and enter the working world. There are no "right answers" anymore. Only what you're comfortable with.

Perhaps it is because there are "right answers" for the majority of my life so far...So much so that I don't know what I'm comfortable with. While I have a general idea of what I want, I sometimes wonder if this is really what I want. What do I want? What am I "supposed" to want? I don't know. I don't always have the answers.

I'm going on a holiday in December. I'm not a seasoned traveler and all of my trips abroad so far have been packaged tours. It is easy enough to plan for the trip if nothing goes wrong. But what if something goes wrong?

What if the plane was delayed, and we end up late at the villa and they thought we "no-showed" and gave our villa to someone else? Where are we going to stay, then? What if the return flight is late and we got stuck in a foreign country with no plane ticket? What if a similar thing that happened in Europe with the volcano ash happened in Indonesia and we end up getting stuck there for god-knows-how-long?

Okay, I suppose the second example is a little extreme. You can't plan for every single contingency in life, and I don't intend to. I'm just so used to the concept of the "right answer" that I always second-guess myself, wondering if I've covered all bases. All reasonable bases.

Maybe I should just heck it. Just do the best I can, and learn from my mistakes when things fall apart. That's one way. There aren't any "right answers", isn't it? This might work for small things like an overseas trip, but not for the major decisions in life. Make a major life mistake, and there may be no coming back from it.

For those major decisions, I still don't know what the "right answers" are.

I never really liked talking about my problems. At least, I don't think I did. I'm not sure. Some people feel that it's good to get things off their chest. I always thought that while that might feel good for a while, the problem still exists. It doesn't solve anything. Of course, your listeners might offer a different perspective, but sometimes they don't. Because they don't know the context of your problems, all they really want, for all you know, is for you to stop bitching.

Which is why I like writing about it sometimes. It clears my head, and gives me a fresh perspective. Sometimes, after writing, I realise it is really not that big a deal.

Things have been moving along quite well in my personal life. A bit faster than I expected, to be honest. I have been in a very muddled state of mind about it for a while, and writing about it now makes me realise that there is really only one question here that needs answering (see, it really works). It is a question that needs to be answered. Immediately.

Things are complicated at work. After waiting for so long, I finally decided to do something about my situation. The moment I decide to do so, things change...Or looks likely to change at work. It's too early, but I am not looking forward to making a decision. And this is one aspect which I have almost no control over. I just have to see what happens next. I hate this. Not being truly in control of my own fate.

Actually I was wrong. I do talk about my problems. Mostly with my sister. But lately, I find that I have less time to do so. I have to divide my time between her, my girlfriend, and work. We had a lot to talk about in the past. But now, I find that it is difficult to talk to her about stuff.

It's not very nice to discuss girlfriend issues with her. Such issues should stay between me and my girlfriend. It's very difficult to discuss work issues with her because she doesn't understand the context. Ironically, the best person for me to discuss work issues with are my colleagues, but I can't let them know what's really going on, what my game-plan is.

I think I'm slowly losing my confidant. And maybe even my mind.

I think I am only getting the last installment of the $9,000 NSmen payout.

Boo.

^^^ by Locksley @ 9:02 PM. 1 comments.
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[Comments]

-waves- still here for you~ <3<3

^^^ posted by kt @ Tue Aug 31, 11:14:00 PM.

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