Tuesday, November 07, 2006  

[Tough times...]

Today's a shitty day.

Whenever I sleep with the air-con on, there's a 20% chance I'd get the sniffles when I wake up. When I do, there's a further 50% chance that it'd develop into a full-blown runny nose, like it did today. Good thing I only had 1 lecture to attend, and it wasn't too bad on the whole. Except for YQ putting a horrible image in my head. Good thing I wasn't into the same thing he was...

But I did have sort of a fright on the bus ride home. I can't really explain it...But sometimes when I'm really ill, after taking medicine I'd lie on my bed and I couldn't move if I wanted to. I don't think I'm describing it right...Anyway for a moment I thought I was losing control of my body and was going to fall off my seat. I had to fight (yes, fight) to stay awake enough not to fall.

Had a conversation with Jill a little while ago on MSN. She was asking me something about CS3255 (which I took last year), and one thing lead to another (not what you're thinking). By the end of the conversation I was feeling rather lousy with myself, and some of the issues I thought I had dealt with came rushing back. Jill: Not your fault, shit happens.

My head and my heart has been telling me 2 different things for the last couple of weeks. I decided recently that I should listen to my head. When one problem is solved, another appears. I wish I had a crystal ball. I want to see if the future is....Worth living for. Don't worry, I'm not suicidal or anything. I just can't seem to find the words right now.

Somewhere along the whole thing, my sister sent me a song she told me about a few days ago. It's an old song by Jay Chou. I've heard it before, but I've never looked at the lyrics. Reading the lyrics only made me feel more lousy than I already was. She then skipped into my room, happy as can be, and asked me to print something for her. I wonder how she does it. She's seldom, if ever, angry. Always in good spirits. Always so.....Happy.

Anyway, the lyrics are below. I was thinking of translating them into English, but I think I better prepare for my presentation tomorrow.

只剩下钢琴陪我谈了一天
睡着的大提琴 安静的旧旧的

我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道 你没有舍不得

你说你也会难过我不相信
牵着你陪着我也只是曾经
希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开

你要我说多难堪 我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份 包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多 我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开 我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份 安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你 是因为我太爱你

^^^ by Locksley @ 10:36 PM. 2 comments.
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[Comments]

hmm the song is an jing . and i'm so sorry I made you think so much even though you said it's not my fault, I still think I have a little part to play
Don't worry about it. :)

Sometimes I think fate is trying to play a joke on me. As I typed the line above, someone who used to be a source of pain for me came online on MSN.
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